Feedback Three-Step

Circles of Life

Baby’s first step is cause for celebration. Even for us older kids, first steps can be special times of celebration and acknowledgment.

They are, always, the beginning of a journey to discovery.

Sometimes we follow the first step with a second. Other times that first step forward is followed by two steps backward.

Regardless of the pattern, we are dancing.

Those who love to dance know about the Two-Step. If we are to dance our way into the hearts, minds, and souls of those about whom we care deeply, maybe, it’s time we learn the Three-Step. It is much more than leading with our good foot – and, then, dragging the other behind. In fact, it has nothing to do with our feet and everything to do with our heads.

Communication is what the listener does.

While there are many mediums available for communication, the most popular is — Words. Some of us use many, while other individuals use few. We, all, use them, constantly, to express our thoughts and ideas to others. Our messages are composed of two elements: Content and Context.

Guaranteed — the words I choose and the intent behind them will be heard and understood differently by each person, who receives them. They will be filtered through the education and experience of that person. And, they will mean something different to that individual, depending on the day and their mood.

Since Certified Public Accountants are trained in probabilities, let’s look at the odds of being heard and understood. Setting aside that which is beyond our control (the context within which our message will be received), let’s take a look at the content.

A researcher named Mehrabian was interested in how listeners get their information. The results: 55% from the visual component, 38% from the auditory component, and 7% from the language. Our words account for only 7% of comprehension. Have you ever wondered why emails are misunderstood?!

Regardless of how elegantly we Transmit, the logic and emotion of the Receiver are beyond our control. With the first two steps of this communication dance, we have made noise and they have heard the sound. Communication is yet to be accomplished.

The third, and most important, step is Feedback. The communication circuit is complete, only, when the Receiver is courageous enough to Transmit back what they have heard and understood.

In our daily life, we take for granted closed circuits. We flip the switch and the lights come on. Thus, we have reinforced a truth — Electricity will only flow in a completed circuit. Why then do we insist on wandering around in the dark while refusing to complete our communication circuits? We complete them by giving Feedback.

While there might be legitimate reasons for our inertia, the encouragement is for us to consider the circle of life, itself. Just like the electrical circuit, we are of limited value unless, and until, we complete the circuit.

If we consider the possibility that we are simply wonderful chunks of conduit for the goodness from above to flow through us for the benefit of others, then, it’s logical to envision the lights coming on for ourselves and the rest of the world. We, literally, become lighthouses to guide others through the storms of life. Bright lights make absolutely no noise.

Since all of the words above only contribute 7% to this premise, let’s add the 38% auditory component. By clicking on the “Circles” hyperlink below, we can enjoy sensory delights.

Circles

By Sawyer Brown

There’s one around my finger
One around my coffee cup
One around the hands of time
And that big orange ball a comin’ up
There’s one around my eight to five
Four beneath me when I drive
An extra one for overtime, circles
There’ll be one in the hugs around my legs
And one around my waist
And one around the table holdin’ hands and sayin’ grace

I thank God for circles
For you, for me, for family and friends
I thank God for circles
May they go round-and-round and never have to end

There’s one around the block
There’s always one around the bend
Any to and from you go
And back again
Some are green and some are golden
Summer turns to winter cold
And into spring the seasons roll, circles
There’ll be one around the candles
One around the birthday cakes
One around the table holdin’ hands and sayin’ grace

I thank God for circles
For you, for me, for family and friends
I thank God for circles
May they go round-and-round and never have to end

There’s one around the world
That goes around so we can see it all
One around the halo
When we’re called

I thank God for circles
For you, for me, for family and friends
I thank God for circles
May they go round-and-round and never have to end
I thank God for family and circles
May we find and have so many more of them

The researcher, Mehrabian wrote about a substantial limitation to his study, “These findings, regarding the relative contribution of the tonal component of a verbal message, can be safely extended, only, to communication situations in which no additional information about the communicator-addressee relationship is available.”

In summary, Listeners derive information from visual, tonal, and other verbal cues. Yet, their understanding is dependent upon a number of other factors, including how well they know the communicator.

Communication is what the listener does.

This communicator believes Feedback is a necessary dimension of effective personal growth. It provides for real-time modifications of behavior, and related events, to achieve mutually desired benefits for the participants, which might otherwise be unobtainable, or delayed.

To achieve 100% effectiveness, let’s add the 55% visual component to our circuit of communication. Picture a knight standing at the ready to be of service in your kingdom. He waits for the Feedback that will enhance his efforts to be of greater value to you. If a courageous leader, you will empower him to serve in more effective ways, by offering the Feedback necessary to achieve even greater victories in this our journey, the circle of life!

kimfoard.com

Credits:
Dancers
Feedback Model
Circles of Life

Generation to Generation

The Pendulum Swings

Much is explained in the statement, “Sons are more like their grandfathers than their dads.” When I first heard it, I wondered, “Why?” Then it dawned on me, “We always want what we don’t have.”

This is a story about my son, his grandfathers (maternal and paternal), his great-grandfather, his great-great-grandfather, and his great-great-great grandfather. Truly, it is a great story!

My son experienced a sense of community by starting and finishing his school years in Roundup, Montana. He graduated from High School in the company of many friends, with whom he had started Kindergarten. As for me, I was the new kid on three very different playgrounds during my junior year of High School: Longview, TX; New Underwood, SD; and Lavina, MT.

Here’s where the story begins. Later, we’ll do the introspective analysis of the common theme in this Foard journey. Enjoy!

Addison Kemp Foard was born in Baltimore, Maryland in the year of 1826. His son, Arthur Craig Foard joined his parents in the city during the year of 1860. His son, Charles Arthur Foard was the first generation to experience childhood in Montana, beginning in 1895. His son, James Burnett Foard graced the world by arriving in 1931; much more than a dad, he became a hero. Sometimes teased as being a dinosaur, my preference is to be thought of as a Classic, having arrived in the year of 1955 and given the name Kim Burnett Foard. The fellow who is following in the footsteps of his grandfathers began his journey on July 25, 1988. His name is Ryan Charles Foard.

At times, Ryan will hop in my pickup, reach over and take the Zune MP3 music player into his hands, and dial up my favorite Paul Overstreet song, Seein’ My Father In Me. We listen to it together. No explanation before as to why, nor any discussion afterwards about what. We each just bask in the thoughts and emotions.

For me, the chorus rings true in the relationship with my Dad:

And now lookin’ back I can recall the times we disagreed
When I could not take hold of his old fashioned ways
And the more I tried to prove him wrong
The more I proved him right
Now I know why he still stood by me
When I went through that stage

Recently, a new release by Brad Paisley Anything Like Me is the other side of that ‘Father-Son’ coin. As I listened to it for the first time, each line of the song tugged at a heart-string and recalled a memory about my favorite son.

I’ve seen this look in Ryan’s eyes:

He’s gonna love me and hate me along the way
Years are gonna fly by; I already dread the day
He’s gonna hug his momma; he’s gonna shake my hand
He’s gonna act like he can’t wait to leave

One thing is for certain about Ryan — he does everything with style. When it came to leaving home after High School Graduation, think “tornado” — and you’ll have some idea of the whirlwind of activity and suddenness of departure. In fact, he’s still twisting his way down the road of his version of the Australian walk-a-bout on the backs of Brahma bulls.

He has built log-houses, poured concrete for custom homes, guided dudes hunting trophy elk into the Wyoming wilderness, driven beet truck on North Dakota farms, built fence in South Dakota and rode bulls in arenas from Canada to the Mexico border. Right now, he’s in Houston, Texas, a few miles from the ocean in charge of his own crew building fence around a wildlife refuge for the benefit of our United States Government. He’s 21.

This nomadic, adventuresome approach to life by Ryan Charles Foard began, at least 184 years ago.

In 1826, Addison Kemp Foard arrived to stay in Baltimore, Maryland.

In 1879, his son, Arthur Craig Foard headed for Montana and lived the life of miner, farmer, rancher, cobbler and saddle maker, with much travel in his retirement years.

In 1920, Charles Arthur Foard married and homesteaded a place to call home.

In 1953, my mom and James Burnett Foard began an adventure of travel that took them from North to South — three times!

In the fall of 1981, Kim Burnett Foard planted a seed that eventually rooted his family to the Roundup community for twenty-plus years.

Ryan Charles Foard has cut the chains on his anchors and is full steam ahead into uncharted waters!

Even now, Ryan sees his dad tethered to a life that has come full circle. My home in Red Lodge is just a few miles from Fishtail, the home of the first Foard Family to live in Montana. My office is in Billings, the familiar community of childhood memories, college education, and thirty years of service to a loyal family of clients.

From generation to generation, the pendulum swings.

One generation enjoys home — the next enjoys adventure. One generation loves to have friends and family come to visit — the next loves to socialize and entertain wherever there is an event. One generation thinks managing risk is a worthwhile endeavor — the next knows an experience is only worthwhile if it involves risk.

Ryan’s grandfathers were men bigger than life itself. They were hands-on kind of guys who were gifted in all things mechanical. His paternal grandfather could do things with semi-trucks that were the envy of others stuck in their four-wheel drive pickups. His attitude and frequent comment was, “If a man made it, I can fix it.” Ryan’s maternal grandfather could do things with airplanes that left many jaws hanging and tummies tickled. His attitude and frequent comment was, “Let’s go!”

Both men loved people and conducted their lives to express that affection. They enjoyed social occasions and frequently were the last to leave. While at an event, they were never the life of the party, or wall flowers. Simply, they were great conversationalists — they knew just the right balance of listening and sharing. In fact, they were each known to have made a telephone call to a wrong number and, then, to visit for a while with that new friend.

Dads tend to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. Grandfathers have that out of their systems and are content to be like big old oak trees: Massive, Accomplished, Polished, Strong, Straight and Tall. Father Time is often pictured as a grim reaper, carrying an hourglass or other timekeeping device (representing time’s constant movement). Grandfather Clocks are representative of the grandeur of statesmen and the indelible legacy of the pendulum swings — from generation to generation.

If watched closely though, dads raise their hands from the circle of their work to offer huge smiles, at least four times a day. The traditional clock face is numbered from 1 to 12. Now, picture those hands raised and pointing to the numbers: Two and Ten. At 10 before 2 and 10 after 10 (AM and PM), the arc formed upward is only a small expression of the pride that dads have for their sons.

To carry on the traditions of his grandfathers, Ryan has big boots to fill. He shuffles at times to keep the toes pointed forward. Every now and then his spurs get tangled and he visits with Mother Earth. As he brushes himself off, he is calling for the next ride.

At the beginning of Ryan’s bull riding crusade, he mentioned to me one day, “Dad, riding these bulls is fairly easy. All you have to do is stay in the middle of them and ride ’em jump for jump!”

kimfoard.com

Credits:
Genealogy  ~  June Foard
Photos  ~  Lindsey Foard